My boyfriends mom doesn’t like me and now I feel like an idiot.. (love, family)

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My boyfriends mom doesn’t like me and now I feel like an idiot.. (love, family)

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Old 08-06-2015, 09:11 PM
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I've been with my boyfriend for a couple years now and I go over to his house over night a few days a week. He lives with his parents and siblings but they've never seemed to mind at all. I'm very nice to everyone and try to be considerate and everything since it's someone elses house you know. I just found out his mom doesn't like me and now I feel so hurt, humiliated and like a total idiot because I genuinely thought she loved me like a daughter. What happened was my boyfriend was trying to help me out with finding a part time job near his house since my living situation at home isn't the best right now. He asked his mom about using the car to take me to just pick up an application and she went CRAZY ANGRY as soon as she realized this request to barrow the car was to do something small to help me out. She just kept saying no and that she doesn't need to worry about my situation or doing anything to help me out. I was deeply hurt because she basically said to my boyfriend she doesn't care about me and can't be bothered to let him use the car to take me to get a paper application. My boyfriend reported back to me and his bluntness hurt me even more. He didn't even try to sugar coat it. He was like "so apparently my mom really doesn't like you at all or care about you."
I was like "what do you mean? She's always been so nice to me and talked to me like she actually cared!"
So my bf says "well putting on a fake smile and acting nice doesn't mean somebody likes you."
I feel so incredibly hurt and so stupid because I was dumb enough to buy her fake politeness and fake approval of me to my face and I was the only one being real! I was the one who was being genuinely kind to my boyfriend and everyone close to him! Sometimes I would give her a piece or two of pizza if my bf and I got some. Sometimes I would buy her or someone else food on days his dad didn't feel like cooking dinner.
Even one of our mutual friends who hangs out sometimes admitted he could tell that his mom was fake and didn't like me much. Why was I the only one too dumb to notice? How can I find out what I did wrong so I can fix this?
Even though he was so blunt about how she reacted he was still really loving and apologetic. He's furious at his mom. I don't want to become the reason they fight all the time.


 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:14 PM
 

Location: Viña del Mar, Chile

16,388 posts, read 31,578,251 times

Reputation: 16660

I think it would be irresponsible for the mom to let you use her car, because if something were to happen while you were in it she would be liable because you're uninsured.

Also, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is reacting like a child and that the mom doesn't actually hate you.. and he's just talking like that out of anger.

I'm assuming you're both 18.....

If not... oh boy..

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:16 PM
  580 posts, read 851,431 times

Reputation: 633

If your boyfriends mom does'nt like you then SHE is the one who has the problem and not you.

If she truely wants her son to be happy in his future life, whether that life is with or without you, she should accept you for who you are, and the happiness that you bring to her son in your relationship with him.

It sounds like ,you may be over reacting though about her not wanting to use her car.she is just being responsible

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:23 PM
 

Location: Middle of the valley

49,133 posts, read 36,964,445 times

Reputation: 75300

Is she near menopause age? Either there had to be signs before this or she is over reacting. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't let you borrow my car either, but at least have the son give you a ride or something.

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Old 08-06-2015, 09:27 PM
  513 posts, read 442,167 times

Reputation: 411

Your boyfriend is stirring up some childish mess between you and his mom, and is taking this situation in a childish manner. I wouldn't blame her for the car thing. My sister took one of her old friends to work everyday, barely getting any sleep, and one day, she got into a really bad accident and totaled her car after picking her friend up. No one was hurt, but that was my parents final straw. Yea, you wouldn't do that, but I don't think his mom wants to lose him, ya know? The least your boyfriend can do is pick up job apps for you, you could fill them out online, or find a friend to help you out. Just take this petty beef with a grain of salt and continue to just be yourself. Don't get an attitude with his mom or him because things can really go downhill...but it might go downhill because of your dramatic boyfriend.

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:36 PM
 

Location: Brentwood, Tennessee

49,905 posts, read 61,872,931 times

Reputation: 98359

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeeBeeJones View Post

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple years now and I go over to his house over night a few days a week. He lives with his parents and siblings but they've never seemed to mind at all. I'm very nice to everyone and try to be considerate and everything since it's someone elses house you know. I just found out his mom doesn't like me and now I feel so hurt, humiliated and like a total idiot because I genuinely thought she loved me like a daughter. What happened was my boyfriend was trying to help me out with finding a part time job near his house since my living situation at home isn't the best right now. He asked his mom about using the car to take me to just pick up an application and she went CRAZY ANGRY as soon as she realized this request to barrow the car was to do something small to help me out. She just kept saying no and that she doesn't need to worry about my situation or doing anything to help me out. I was deeply hurt because she basically said to my boyfriend she doesn't care about me and can't be bothered to let him use the car to take me to get a paper application. My boyfriend reported back to me and his bluntness hurt me even more. He didn't even try to sugar coat it. He was like "so apparently my mom really doesn't like you at all or care about you."
I was like "what do you mean? She's always been so nice to me and talked to me like she actually cared!"
So my bf says "well putting on a fake smile and acting nice doesn't mean somebody likes you."
I feel so incredibly hurt and so stupid because I was dumb enough to buy her fake politeness and fake approval of me to my face and I was the only one being real! I was the one who was being genuinely kind to my boyfriend and everyone close to him! Sometimes I would give her a piece or two of pizza if my bf and I got some. Sometimes I would buy her or someone else food on days his dad didn't feel like cooking dinner.
Even one of our mutual friends who hangs out sometimes admitted he could tell that his mom was fake and didn't like me much. Why was I the only one too dumb to notice? How can I find out what I did wrong so I can fix this?
Even though he was so blunt about how she reacted he was still really loving and apologetic. He's furious at his mom. I don't want to become the reason they fight all the time.

How many siblings live there?

Maybe she is just tired of having grown folks sleeping, eating and using utilities at her house all the time.

Stay at your own house, and I bet things get better.

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:39 PM
  1,519 posts, read 1,392,023 times

Reputation: 2185

Are you ethnic,or from a bad background,rough etc there has to be some reason,or she might just be one of those moms that can't let her son go,either way he loves you and that's what's important.

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:43 PM
  11 posts, read 34,728 times

Reputation: 10

Thanks for the replies. I'll answer some questions. No I'm not a different race or religion than them. We're all white. There are two other siblings living there. I don't live there. I just visit for a few days sometimes since we don't live that close to each other. About the car issue. I wasn't going to be the one driving. It would have been my boyfriend or one of his parents.

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:44 PM
  35,094 posts, read 52,597,172 times

Reputation: 62701

Why would you even consider asking your boyfriend to take you somewhere to get an application for a job?
It is your responsibility to ensure that you are able to do things for yourself.
What happens when you get the job? Do you expect your boyfriend to take you to work and pick you up in his Mother's vehicle?
Why can't your own family help you out?
Why doesn't your boyfriend have his own place?
Does the boyfriend work?
Why doesn't he have his own vehicle?
Is he paying rent to his Mother?
Are you paying your share of rent to his Mother?
Do you think her home is a flop house for you to go and have sex with your boyfriend under her roof?
Why do you still live at home?
Do not rely on anyone other than yourself to do what needs to be done for you.

 

Old 08-06-2015, 09:54 PM
 

Location: Brentwood, Tennessee

49,905 posts, read 61,872,931 times

Reputation: 98359

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeeBeeJones View Post

Thanks for the replies. I'll answer some questions.I just visit for a few days sometimes since we don't live that close to each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeeBeeJones View Post

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple years now and I go over to his house over night a few days a week. He lives with his parents and siblings but they've never seemed to mind at all.

So you're STAYING THERE as an overnight guest several nights a week because you live far away?

That's really not acceptable. You two need to keep separate households until one of you has your own place. They've never "seemed to mind" because they're probably decent people who keep hoping you'll understand that you've overstayed your welcome.

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